Monday, October 10, 2011

Training My Children

Not everyone 'gets' this... so I want to spell it out.

Children are always being trained 'to' OR 'not to'

That is: Whatever it is that they do frequently/most commonly with ANY given thing/task/event/etc is what they believe is right, and learn to do by habit.

So if my child is 'most commonly' getting away with being lazy in their given jobs, then I am training them to be lazy.

'Getting away with'... is exactly that. I might tell them to hurry up, get a move on, do it again and do it better (nag nag nag)


UNLESS I insist on the task being done well and with speed, then they are 'getting away with it' and I am training them in laziness

'Insist' = to remove ALL other options

so... I can't ever say I 'tried'... I either did what I needed to do train my child well or I chose not to and chose instead to train them to live in a way that is against our ideals

- - - -

Yes, sometimes I need to sit down and nut out what 'insist' looks like in a particular situation with a particular child... but in the end, the formula remains the same.

I am either training my children 'to' or 'not to'.

So is every other parent out there.



  1. Sssssh 'they' might hear you! Oh and (said in tiny voice) AGREE!!!!

  2. ouch! (Insist - remove all other options)
    I like how you break things down into simpler points:)

  3. I have been thinking about this post the last few days. You make quite a good point. Now I need some spine to make it happen.

    I was reading a magazine article the other day about 5 successful men. All of them said that the woman they admired most first was their mum. I am not so sure that my boys will have much respect for me later if I don't have some spine now instead of letting them walk all over me.

    Best wishes
    Jen in NSW